Most everyone would agree that abortion is a tough decision to make and they want to find ways to make the decision it easier. On the anti-abortion side of the issue, people want to reduce abortions by making them harder to get and making parenting less stigmatized. On the pro-choice side of the issue, they want to make the decision to get an abortion easier and less stigmatized.
So why, if anti-abortion advocates like myself want to destigmatize parenting--especially young, or single parenting--do we treat women the way we do? Anti-abortion advocates believe that human lives are inherently valuable, from conception to natural death. This value comes with dignity and respect. Even still, shame and damnation have been woven into the fabric of the anti-abortion movement.
When women who are entering an abortion clinic are cussed at and damned to hell, we are losing. When high school girls like Maddi Runkle find themselves pregnant and are kicked out of their private Christian school’s graduation for having premarital sex, rather than embraced for choosing life, we are losing. When we tell people they can’t be used in the anti-abortion movement because they are used goods, we are losing.
Across the nation, there are men and women volunteering their time and money at pregnancy centers and homeless shelters, but their efforts are consistently overshadowed by the few hateful people in the anti-abortion movement who condemn women.
Anti-abortion activists are told we are traitors to our gender, and that we are vile, hateful people, because of these few. The majority of us work hard to make parenting an easier choice for those facing unwanted pregnancies, but our efforts are going unseen.
Parents deserve better from both sides of the aisle. They deserve our love, our support and our respect. Bringing a new life into the world and rearing them into productive adults takes a village, and it’s everyone’s responsibility to be that village.
Whether a woman gets pregnant at age 14 or 44, whether she is single, in a relationship, married or divorced, whether she chooses to parent the baby herself or whether she chooses to give the baby to a loving adoptive couple, it is our job to love them and not to shame them. Telling a woman she should have kept her legs closed, or that she is going to hell for getting pregnant effectively dehumanizes her. Telling a man he’s ruining his life for stepping up and becoming a father gives men an easy out and contributes to more and more households being fatherless.
Parents need resources to help ensure their children’s prosperity. They also need a support system from their friends and family. What would happen if all women felt unsupported and chose to stop having children? We can show our friends, family members and peers support by changing the language we use to talk about pregnancy. When a friend tells you, they’re pregnant, instead of expressing your apologies and asking them what they’re going to do with it, congratulate them and offer them to help with childcare. The smallest changes in the way we talk about pregnancy and treat pregnant women and parents can transform a culture.
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